let's work it out on the remix
short musings on charli xcx's brat
my brat summer has consisted of little to no drug consumption, adopting the personalities of the unlikeable female protaganist i am currently reading about, escapism via tumblr fanfiction, line dancing every wednesday, over/undereating, and internalized misogyny. i have drafted several essays to publish on this website, yet have only mustered the courage to post one. i frequently think about this post and how embarrassed i am to have been so vulnerable, not only in the essay’s content but in publishing it for anyone to see. in telling a dear friend of mine the idea for this essay i revealed my deep-seated fear of being bad, of not being palatable enough. because, how embarrassing would it be to write something laughable and confidently post it, waiting for likes to pour in. in fact, i am attempting nonchalance by typing this in all lowercase to avoid how scared and self-obsessed i feel writing this. there are several possible reasons as to why i do not feel capable of being good enough for others to consume, one of which i believe is a consistent theme in charli xcx’s newest, and incredibly critically acclaimed, album: brat.
brat is charli’s most lyrically sophisticated and vulnerable album to-date. charli plays with irony, narcissism, and self-effacism to explore her relationships with herself, her womanhood, and others in a way that i think is to be studied and admired. she opens this album with two songs that, almost, over-exaggerate her influence and celebrity, as if she’s mocking herself out of the insecurity of being labeled as not good enough. even in interviews and stage-performances, charli leans into this “Brat” Character that is overly-confident, sure of her genius, and Hot (obviously). women in the entertainment industry are often not allowed to be so certain of themselves, not only because misogyny makes sure that any confidence a woman does have in herself is digestable, consumable, to the average man, but because internalized misogyny makes women believe that they are not inherently worthy of this type of confidence. i feel represented in the character of “Brat,” as this type of character appeals to the young woman in me who hates herself deeply; to the young woman who has to let it be known that she is Confident to overcompensate for how much she is Not. i have spent hours of my life crafting instagram stories that humorously communicate my spirit and poise on days that i itched to be free of my skin, my bones, my life. songs like von dutch and mean girls, i believe, were written with those days in mind, as an anthem for women filled with an insecurity caused by the patriarchy; for women who have to define themselves before someone else does, for the fear that a stranger’s definition might be malicious, yet unable to be disagreed with. This diffidence is present in i might say something stupid, with lines like, “wear these clothes as disguise,” and, “i don’t feel like nothing special, snag my tights out on the lawn chair,” making it obvious that her confidence is a façade put up to hide her uncertainty in her personhood, or, more specifically, her Womanhood.
charli also, briliantly, opposes both men and women’s misogyny with the iconic bright green cover of brat, something she touched on on twitter after the hate this cover received. charli stated that the, “constant demand for access to women’s bodies and faces in our album artwork is misogynistic and boring.” and, she’s right. women are expected to Represent their artwork with their bodies in a way that men are not expected to; their talent and worth is tied to how easily they can be sexualized, consumed, in a way it is not for men. the bright green cover is abrasive and confrontational and offensive in a way women are seldom allowed to be.
the honest exploration of internalized misogyny is present throughout brat, but was solidified, for me, when listening to girl, so confusing and then hardened further, if possible, by the release of the lorde remix. my analysis of this song as exploring internalized misogyny is not groundbreaking. in an interview with observer news review, charli states that, “we’ve got past the point of… pitting women against one another,” and that, instead, performative “girls’ girl” feminism is on the rise, causing women to feel like “bad women” for disliking other women. in this interview and in girl, so confusing, she explores the “super-complex and multi-layered” relationships women have with one another. and, because of misogynistic values, women are not viewed as human enough, as Super-Complex and Multi-Layered enough to have these types of relationships. charli, instead of letting that internalized misogyny win and writing a diss track, is inspirationally vulnerable and discusses how confusing it is to be a girl; how jealousy and friendship can and do, sometimes, go hand-in-hand. even at the very end of the song, charli states that she would also “ride for” lorde, but then we immediately hear “it’s so confusing” again, representing this overlap. and in lorde’s response, i am particularly amazed by the lyrics, “it’s just self-defence until you’re building a weapon.” women know what it’s like to feel, not only your own self-hatred, but the emotional exhaustion caused by misogynistic expectations of us to constantly be pleasant and digestable for others at the same time. i think, all too often, women, instead of choosing vulnerability and kindness, put on the “Bitch” exterior to protect themselves from others’ perceptions of how well they are performing this pleasantness, this femininity. i am amazed at how well both charli and lorde were able to inspect their own discomfort with other women in such a profound, yet simple way. other songs that i have seen try to tackle this subject in the pop universe tend to be corny and filled with so much hatred, painting other women out to be the enemy. when it would be so much easier for charli to cover up this vulnerability with calling lorde a bitch, she wrote a song that i sincerely believe will begin to shift the narrative towards embracing the confusion and discomfort that comes with internalized misogyny.
this album and its honesty has made me feel brave; brave enough to post this, brave enough to inspect my relationships with other women, brave enough to call myself out for how internalized misogyny shows up in my life. i feel eternally grateful for women like charli xcx and all of the women i love…and even all of the women i hate. let’s work it out on the remix, babes!